hmm...what a difference a couple of years make....
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re-reading some of the stuff in my journal is pretty eye-opening, life's changed a lot in the last 18 months..
I'm now a SAHM
I have a beautiful daughter
I'm pregnant with my second child
Kitties are gone...:(
and a whole new group of friends
I'll post more later...after breakfast
but I've been way too busy....ah well, not like anyone reads this besides me anyways.....
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Go figure..the tendinitis is back once again.
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No idea why, but every step I make feel like someone’s jabbing a steak knife into my ankle. Ouch, ouch, ouch....
Maybe it’s psychological, I really, really don’t want to go to the board meeting tonight. I dread spending 2-3 hours with a bunch of way-to-self-important folks who can’t organize their way out of a wet paper bag.
I keep trying to convince myself this is a needed step for my career, but I’d much rather go home and oogle my bookcases again....
A minor amusement....got a new client today and his name is Jeffrey Sinclair, I have the overwhelming use to ask him if he’s a captain and if he fought on the battle of the line, heck I’ve got a few other strange ones..like Mr. Homo...and it’s really his name! I feel disrespectful every time I say it, how often do you call for an Officer Homo?
Work is, well work. I’m finding myself having to struggle to get anything done, and I’m feeling more and more demoralized. This is not exactly the career I had in mind...but it’s a job, at least until either a sufficient number of folks get killed in the upcoming war, or the economy improves, whichever comes first....
More and more I’m dreaming of opening my own business and working or myself, but every time I start thinking of it, I get scared, after all there’s no guarantees if you work for yourself, and it’s a struggle to try and think of something I could do, and actually make a living at. Everything I think of at best could supplement my income, none seem to be really viable when you get down to it.
Need to head over to aquatic warehouse soon and pick up a light kit for the 20 gallon tank, then I can order the live rock and get the new tank up and running. I dunno for sure what I’ll do with the new tank, I want to do corals, but they’re so expensive, but then again, salt water tanks in general are expensive. My nano’s lost some inhabitants lately, so I really need to get the new tank up and figure out what I need to do to get it back up the way I want....
Anyway, more later, after the board meeting I’m sure....
Really, I’m not. I’m strongly introverted, tend to have few close friends, and even fewer I let in to see “the real” me...
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Which is probably why betrayal is so hard for me to deal with.
But when it come to interacting with others, well I in general would rather interact with my books, or my animals, because they can’t hurt me back in the way so many others have....
So betrayal turns to bitterness, and bitterness either drives others away, or drives me into myself. The vicious circle commences. I become cynical, mistrustful, and seeing only the bad in others...
I can try to believe some really do care, but then, why do I fell like the one shunned? Why does it hurt so?
If I'm expecting the gossiping, and petty bull, it's ok, but when I think folks are really friends, I somehow expect better from them.
So instead, I'm left either wearing a mask, or making myself vulnerable to being hurt, and starting the cycle again. Otherwise I hide in my small group of friends, and try to avoid having my entire world view turned upside down and inside out.
Well It was a pretty nice, lazy weekend, although rather productive overall.
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I finally got some BOOKCASES! Yeah! I now have 4 bookcases filled with part of our library, imagine actually being able to see, touch and browse my old friends again. OK maybe that sounds hokey, but my library is probably one of my best friends. I can escape to other worlds, and forget whatever’s bothering me, or seek answers, knowledge.
I finally feel like this little house Rob and I bought is home. It’s starting to come together really well. The new couch, the herb garden, the bookcases, the new home for the igs. It’s starting to become stamped with “us” rather than just the empty shell.
Oh there’s still plenty to come. I want to eventually add a “proper” master bedroom suite, with it’s own bath, hopefully one larger than the current water closet. (Albeit this is probably 5 years off.) I want to put a outdoor furniture set in the back, and rope lighting for use during the warm summer nights. We’ll need some larger nice “Persian” rugs for the floors, although I don’t really want to entirely cover the hardwood, just enough to define spaces, and help protect some high-risk areas. Eventually I want to replace the “newlywed” dinning table with something a bit nicer, to work with the period feel we’re trying to create in the living/dining room. And we HAVE to find an acceptable alternative to the god-awful “country” curtains in the kitchen. I’ve been tolerating them, but they’ve got to go, preferably sooner, rather than later....
This week is shaping up to be kinda rough. I’ve got the IEA class tonight for work. I’m glad it’s a small class, and the instructor is pretty good, but I’ll be glad when it’s over. It’s just a lot to do, especially since I’m expected to come in early to put in my 8 hours, then go to class for another 2.5....it makes for a really long day.
Tomorrow, I have the Association Board meeting. Gods I wish they’d appoint a president or chairperson or someone to try and keep these meetings in line. I sometimes think some of these folks don’t have anyone to talk to for weeks, so they save it up for the meeting and can talk for hours and say absolutely nothing. I hope Lynn’s right about how this can help my career, because right now it feels like a colossal waste of time.
Wednesday I have the spinning/weaving class. Lots of cool folks, a few freaks, but overall a nice group, all passionate about fiber, w/o the politics of some groups. I wonder how many will show up spinning silk after the workshop? I know I’m addicted, thinking of trying a “ring” shawl, now that I’ve mastered long fine, smooth silk. Maybe out of a fine merino? I need to get my butt in gear or I won’t have anything for the County Fair, and I know we need more fiber entries if we’re going to keep the categories, but it’s hard with working Full Time and all the other responsibilities of being “an adult.”
I know Rob’s brother wants to come over either Thursday or Friday, and have me look over some stuff for his girlfriend, and then Rob wants to invite folks over Saturday for the Ars Magica game. So that means cleaning up the living/dining room area, kitchen and bathroom Thursday and Friday, and figuring out what to do for dinner. Hopefully some more people can come on down and play, and get this group growing a bit bigger. I probably should dust off and figure out what to do with my characters and play for a bit, but I really prefer the board or card games to the roleplaying games. Just me I guess.
Anyway, enough aimless rambling, I need to get back to work, and have to train the latest batch of hirees for the firm, I wonder how many will last more than a week out of this batch?
Went to the Olive Garden last night, it was a send off for Irma, who's leaving my crazy dysfunctional firm for a local insurance carrier....for twice the money.
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I keep trying to remind myself that in 8 months I can "afford" to look....then I'll have about 1.5 years of law firm experience, but right now it is just frustrating to see a very young co-worker with little experience leaving, to get a fair bit more in pay. You'd think that with nearly 10 years of office experience I'd be worth more....well here's hoping the economy turns around soon, then maybe It will be a bit easier to find work in this glutted market.
This firm is nice enough, but they treat all the employees like children, not professionals. They have an incredible turnover (over 90 employees in 5 years) pretty bad for a relatively small law firm. And the workload is just incredible, over 3000 open cases!
Well here's hoping I get good experience, and who knows I wouldn't be the first employee to use this firm for the training and experience, and then jump ship, either to a competitor, or the Defense, preferably the County.
frustration is when....
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a client starts calling daily, even if you told them you won't have an answer for a week
you're computer crashes for the nth time, and you get the dreaded "blue screen of death"
you STILL don't have the office supplies you requested 2 freaking months ago!
you're making less than you made 2 years ago...and get to pay out even more since uncle sam wants his student loan money back.
being cash poor - but balance sheet "rich"
the cat coughs up a hairball...on the suit you just picked up fro m the dry cleaners